Marriage
You’re keeping score. So is she.
Six ticks, thirty seconds. No couples workshop.
Tick what’s true
Nothing ticked yet.
Tap what’s true. It stays on your screen. Nobody sees it.
Try one thing today
Read your last three messages to your partner. Report, or case?
The one-page guide
How I stopped keeping score, in five moves.
Read your last three messages to her.
I messaged my wife every morning with what I had done. I told myself I was keeping her informed. I was building a case.
When she goes quiet, don’t push.
She needed space. I felt space as rejection and made more noise. She needed the noise to stop before she could open. I needed her to open before I could stop.
See the pattern.
We were not incompatible. We were two people protecting ourselves in ways that stopped the other feeling safe. Neither of us wrong. Both of us alone in the same room.
Ask the question that points inward.
Not “why does this keep happening to me”. Ask: what is it in me that keeps writing this scene? I was accusing her of not being enough because I couldn’t sit with feeling that I was not enough.
Finish: “I am…” without the label.
If you can’t, that’s not failure. It’s the real question. Find your answer →