UbUFatherhoodWhat they teach you
Fatherhood · What they teach you
They fall down, and we tell them to get back up.
What your children already do that you have forgotten how to do.
Unwavering love.
A small child loves you before you have earned anything. Not for the title, the salary or the car. You were late, you shouted, you got it wrong, and they still run to the door. That love was never tied to your job. What they want from you is you.
Unwavering positivity.
They fall off the scooter and look at you. If you are calm, they get up. We tell them: you are okay, get back up. That is the lesson we hand them every week, and it is for us too. You fell. You can say the same to yourself, in the same kind voice.
They do not carry yesterday.
A child who was in tears ten minutes ago is laughing now. They feel it, it passes, they move on. That is Observer Flow without the name: see it, name it, let it go.
The year at home.
The year I spent at home with my two small daughters turned out to be the hardest and the best of my life. They taught me more in it than the job did in seventeen years. I put the stories in the book.
Try one thing today
The next time your child falls over and gets up, say to yourself what you would say to them.
Five things to take from them.
Say to yourself what you would say to them.
“You’re okay. Get back up.” In the same voice.
Why: We are kinder to a child than to ourselves. Borrowing that voice is a start.
Let it pass.
Feel it, then let it go. Do not file it.
Why: Holding on is what hurts.
Ask for what you need, out loud.
They do. “I need a hug.” “I am hungry.”
Why: Men tend to wait until it is too late.
Play for ten minutes, for nothing.
No result, no audience.
Why: Being useless on purpose is good for you.
Let them see you repair.
“I got that wrong. I am sorry. Let’s try again.”
Why: It is the best lesson you can give them.
Where to go
- Read Chapter One freeThe stories behind these pages, in the book.