UbUMade redundantYour thoughts
Made redundant · Your thoughts
You don’t have to believe every thought you have.
Why your mind turns on you after redundancy, and four moves that quieten it.
Your mind is trying to protect you.
After redundancy it runs scenarios on a loop: money, what people think, what you should have seen. It sounds like fact. Most of it is a story, told in your own voice, which is why it is so convincing.
The Warrior is not your enemy.
In the book I call the part of you that fights, fixes and performs the Warrior. It got me through seventeen years. When the job went, it went into overdrive, and it does not know how to stand down. It is not the problem. It is just working without a brief.
The usual stories.
- “I failed.”A role was removed. That is a fact about the business. “I failed” is the story.
- “I should have seen it coming.”Hindsight is clearer than the day you were living. It is a story about a man with information you did not have.
- “They think I’m finished.”You are guessing at other people’s minds. Most of them are thinking about their own week.
- “I need a plan by Friday.”That is the Warrior. Nothing has to be solved this week.
Observer Flow, in four moves
What do you observe? Three things. The thought: “I should have seen it coming.” The feeling in your body: a tight chest, a hot face, a heavy stomach. The urge: to fix it, to shout, to scroll, to hide.
Example: “I failed.” Observe: there is that thought again. Name it: that is the failure story. Thank it: you are trying to keep me safe. Return: I will put the kettle on and open the post. It takes ten seconds.
Try one thing today
Next time a heavy thought lands, say: “I’m having the thought that…” and finish the sentence.
How to quieten the loop.
Catch it.
Say “I’m having the thought that I’ve failed”, not “I’ve failed”.
Why: Adding those words puts a small space between you and the thought. It is a technique therapists use.
Name the story.
“That is the failure story.” “That is the what-will-they-think story.” Give your regulars names.
Why: A named pattern loses some of its grip each time you catch it.
Thank it, do not argue.
“Thanks. I know you are trying to protect me.” Then carry on.
Why: Arguing with a thought feeds it.
Return to one small thing.
Wash up. Walk. Reply to one message. Something physical and finished.
Why: The loop needs your attention to keep going. Give it to something real.
Give the thoughts ten minutes on paper.
Same time each day, write whatever your mind is saying. Then close the notebook.
Why: Your mind stops shouting at 3am when it knows it will be heard at 4pm.
Stop scrolling job boards after 9pm.
Nothing you find at 11pm will help. Everything you read at 11pm will feel worse.
Why: Tired minds read every rejection as a verdict.
If it is heavier than this
Samaritans: call free on 116 123, any time. CALM, for men: 0800 58 58 58, 5pm to midnight, every day. You can also refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies, free, if you are registered with a GP. If you are in danger right now, call 999. I am not a therapist or a doctor.