UbUMade redundantFinding workImposter syndrome
Made redundant · Finding work · Imposter syndrome
You do not need to be someone else to get the role.
Why measuring yourself against other people’s profiles makes it worse, and what to do instead.
What it sounds like.
“They will find out I am not as good as my CV.” “Everyone else is more qualified.” After a job loss it gets louder, because the thing that proved you were good has gone.
My example: stalking people on LinkedIn.
I stalked people on LinkedIn. I looked at the profiles of the people who had the roles I wanted, line by line, to see what they had that I did not. It felt like research. It was comparison. And comparison gives you one answer: you are behind. I was trying to work out who I would have to become to get the job.
You are comparing your whole career with their highlights.
A profile is the shortlisted version of a person. It leaves out the bad years, the redundancy, the job they did not get. You are putting your whole, messy, honest career next to someone else’s best bits.
The role wants you, not a copy.
Employers are not looking for a copy of the last person. They want someone who can do the job. If you play someone else, you wear yourself out, and you may win a job you then have to keep pretending to be good at.
Observer Flow, in four moves
1 Observe→2 Name it→3 Thank it→4 Return
What do you observe? Three things. The thought: “They will see I am not good enough.” The feeling in your body: a drop in the stomach, a hot face, shallow breathing. The urge: to over-prepare, to exaggerate, or not to apply at all.
Example. Observe: a drop in my stomach, and the urge to open someone’s profile again. Name it: that is fear of being found out. Thank it: you are trying to keep me safe from rejection. Return: I write down one true thing I have done, and I send the application.
Try one thing today
Write down three things you have done that someone thanked you for. Put them next to the job you want.
Six ways to stop playing someone else.
Stop stalking. Put a timer on it.
If you must look, look for ten minutes. Write down one thing you can learn from them. Then close the tab.
Why: Looking to learn is fine. Looking to measure yourself loses every time.
Write your evidence list.
Three things you did, what changed because of them, and who said thank you.
Why: Imposter feelings are not facts. Evidence is.
You do not need to tick every box.
If you meet most of the essentials and could learn the rest, apply.
Why: Job adverts are wish lists. The person who gets the job is rarely a perfect match.
Say what is true, in your own words.
Plain language about what you did and what you would bring. No borrowed phrases.
Why: It is easier to stay consistent when it is true, and interviewers notice.
Prepare, then stop.
Pick three stories you can tell in your own words. Practise them out loud once or twice.
Why: Preparation calms the fear of being found out. Over-preparing feeds it.
Tell one person how it feels.
A friend, your partner, another man going through the same thing.
Why: Imposter feelings shrink when you say them out loud.
If it is heavier than this: Samaritans, free, any time: 116 123. CALM, for men, 5pm to midnight: 0800 58 58 58. All helplines →