Made redundant
I lost my job
“The man who had been crying in a rented office an hour earlier went to Tesco.”
Try one thing today. Finish this sentence without your job title: I am…
Tick what’s trueYou told everyone you were fine
Catch it before it catches you.
Between something happening and you reacting there is half a second. Short, free guides for anyone carrying more than they say: after redundancy, with the kids, or with the person you love. From one man who learned it the hard way.
Which moment is yours?
Tap the one that sounds most like this week. Nothing is saved or sent.
Try one thing today.
Or start at a door.
Parenting
I snap at the kids
“Anger is a feeling, Daddy. It’s not you.”
Try one thing today. Tonight, tell them one true thing: “I was angry earlier and I got it wrong.”
Start with one sentenceRelationships
My relationship feels like a scoreboard
“I told myself I was keeping her informed. … I was building a case.”
Try one thing today. Read your last three messages to your partner. Report, or case?
Report, or case? Find outNot sure which one is you? Try the one-minute pause →
The book
When you lose your title, this is the map.
A memoir, told in the order it happened. Short chapters. Paperback £14.99, and ebook.
About Arun
Seventeen years in MedTech. Then the title went.
I spent seventeen years in medical devices building a life that made complete sense on paper. When the title disappeared and the inbox went quiet, I looked for the book that described how that felt from the inside. I couldn’t find it, so I wrote it.
Author. Founder of Lumenara. Lives in Solihull with his wife and daughters.
Questions people actually ask
Is it normal to feel worthless after redundancy?
It was for me. My title had been holding up my sense of who I was, and when it went I cried in front of two men I barely knew. Feeling worthless isn’t the truth about you. It’s what it feels like when the thing you leaned on is taken away.
Why can’t I tell anyone how bad it is?
Because we’ve spent years being the one who holds things together, and saying it out loud feels like admitting the job was all there was. I told one person, my wife, from the car park. Her steadiness was enough to start with. One person is enough.
Why do I keep applying for jobs and feel nothing?
When I got the news, my mind went straight into fixing. I had the outline of a negotiation strategy before I got home. Applying can be more of the same: it keeps you moving so you don’t have to feel it. Take one day to fix nothing, then look at what you are actually applying for.
Why am I angry at my partner since I lost my job?
I did this too. I messaged my wife every day about what I was carrying and told myself I was keeping her informed. I was building a case. When the pressure has nowhere to go, home is the closest place. Before you reply to her next time, take one breath and ask what is underneath this.
Why do I snap at my kids when it isn’t really about them?
It is almost never about the small thing. It is the small thing landing on top of everything you were already holding. A feeling I filed away one week came back the next Sunday. Look at their face before you reply, and if you get it wrong, say so out loud. My daughter, three at the time, told me: anger is a feeling, Daddy. It’s not you.
Who am I without my job title?
That is the question the book is about, and I can’t answer it for you. What I can give you is the map I used: Observe, Name it, Thank it, Return. Start by finishing one sentence without your title: I am…